Originally published at Medium on March 25, 2019
“You are so stupid and careless”.
I heard the voice shouting at me as I reached for the wrong spice, taking the paprika from the spice shelf instead of the black pepper.
I turned around in shock and recoiled in horror, looking around me to find my attacker but there was no one there. I was all alone. It took only a split second to recognize that the harsh voice came from within.
I clenched my chest, as I gasped in horror, sitting down to catch my breath for a few moments before quickly got up and continued cooking dinner, ensuring that the perfect meal was on the table before my husband came home.
I would attack myself relentlessly for most of my adult and childhood. Though I had grown up in home where perfectionism reigned supreme and married a husband who made many demands on me, no one was as critical and harsh with myself as I was.
Being harsh and critical with myself, almost seemed to be the way I protected myself from the demands of those around me. If I could be more critical with myself than them, I would be one step ahead, ensuring that their criticisms would hurt less.
For many years, I would never let myself off the hook. If I made a genuine mistake, I would rehash it over in my mind and provide myself with endless reasons of how I could have known better if only I would have tried hard enough.
If I couldn’t manage to finish all my chores when taking care of my ten children, I would blame myself for not working hard enough. Perhaps I should be waking up earlier. Maybe I should not have sat down in the afternoon to rest.
I was my own worst enemy.
Even after years of therapy and healing and logically understanding that this harsh judgement that I had of myself was not helpful, I could not let fully go of this behaviour. I would sometimes even wake up in the middle of the night and hear that critical voice shouting at me again. “What is wrong with you?”
Do you have a harsh critical voice that haunts you?
Do you never give yourself a break?
Are you demanding and harsh with yourself?
Are you your own worst enemy?
What do your harsh and critical voices say? Do any of these sound familiar?
- Why did you gain so much weight, can’t you control yourself?
- Why aren’t you earning more money, can’t you get a better job?
- Don’t be so lazy, just get off your butt and do what you said you would?
After years of battling these voices, I finally decided to make peace. I decided to stop fighting this voice. To stop judging myself when I would hear that harsh tone and began to implement daily practices which have helped to release that inner critic.
Try these practices and see how the critical voice will slowly soften and lessen until it no longer has an impact on your life.
Daily Practices:
- Twenty-minute meditation every morning. This meditation helps to quiet the mind and fill it with feelings of love and comfort that last throughout the day.
- Writing or saying at least ten positive affirmations every morning. When you remind yourself of your positive qualities every morning, you set yourself up to be in a positive place, making it harder for the critical voice to show up.
- Embrace what comes up. If the critical voices do show up, don’t try to fight them. Instead, hold yourself gently as they arise. Listen to voices as if it were coming from outside of you and hold yourself with compassion and gentleness until they pass.
Would you like support as you learn to release your inner critical voice and start to live a fulfilled and happy life? Do you want to learn how to release all those critical voices? Click here to schedule a 15 minutes call.
