I dedicate this blog to my four beautiful growing daughters. I wrote this piece several months ago upon hearing about the birth of my fifth grandchild.
I hope that it inspires you and gives you strength as you deal with inevitable challenges and pain that life brings.
Today I experience a flood of emotions.
It is one of the happiest days of my life.
It is one of the saddest days of my life.
I am filled with joy.
I am filled with anger.
I am filled with gratitude.
I am filled with indignation at the unfairness of it all.
My heart simply hurts from the overwhelming flood of emotions.
My daughter gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. I am now a grandmother to five beautiful grandsons.
What joyful and exciting news!
I received the news of the birth, as well as updates during her pregnancy from her younger siblings as she has excluded me from her joyful occasion. The pain of being excluded from one of the happiest moments in her life is excruciating.
I fully respect her decision in this despite everything inside of me knowing the wrongness of it all.
The overwhelming love that I have for her, my beautiful oldest daughter only continues to grow over the years, despite our distance. I think of her every day and send ongoing love to her and her children.
I treat myself lovingly during this time. I hold myself with love. Encourage myself to experience the entire mix of emotions with gentleness and compassion.
As I picture the image of my daughter holding her baby and experiencing floods of love to her newborn child, so too am I flooded with tremendous love for her.
And just as I love her fiercely and only wish her goodness, so do I know that God loves me and only wish me well.
And that is my consolation and strength at this challenging time. The absolute knowing that I am in God’s embrace and He loves me so much.
It is through this Knowing that I can stand strong as I wait for the moment, when truth will be revealed and I will once again embrace my beautiful daughter and her newborn baby.